You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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