So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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