pop tarts are not kleenex
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
