I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
