I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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