My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
