YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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