Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My life is pants optional.
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