i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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