Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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