I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
