I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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