My first STD was from a foam party
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
