either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
