Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
