Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
