the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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