These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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