have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
