Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
