Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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