Got a toothbrush?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
