i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If I die, sorry about rent.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
