the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
