This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm getting married
To pizza
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
