I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
