He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
