You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He better not be in your backpack
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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