hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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