i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
