my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
