sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
