Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize