i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
