We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
