is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
