OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
