for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
