So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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