I'm so fucking centered right now
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
