I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
