i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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