You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
