you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
