And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
