I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
