She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
