You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
