cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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