My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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