no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
