I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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