how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
