We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
